Treacherous Beer - Story 02 - "AUSSIE FLASH STORIES" Book by Daniel Gutiérrez Híjar

 

The man cracked open the can of beer and I thought that’s it; we’re all goners.

My soul slipped back into my body when I realised we were still alive and in one peace.

The can sat there on the table, waiting. The bloke who’d meant to drink it seemed more interested in chiming in on the chat he was having with his date, with whom he exchanged the occasional passionate kiss.

Good, I thought, there’s still time to stop a tragedy.

I’d walk up to their table, grab the can without saying a word, and take it away to dispose of it carefully, just as the news article I’d read had instructed.

Then, if they still had the patience to listen, I’d explain why I’d acted so strangely. I’d show them the article on my phone: the very popular Big Creatures lager had released a dodgy batch with too much carbonation, turning the cans into tiny but deadly warheads. And even if the can didn’t blow up when opened, the warning said it could still explode inside the drinker’s stomach, sending destructive shockwaves several meters around.

They’d thank me, no doubt, for saving their lives.

When I got close to the table, I suddenly recognised the woman. She was my best mate’s girlfriend. And as far as I knew, since he told me every morning at work what they’d been up to the day before, they were still going strong and planning to get married.

So I stopped, picked up a nearby glass of beer, looked at the man who was with my mate’s girl, then at the bloke whose drink I’d just claimed, and finally at the rest of the bar, and said I’m going to be a dad, and I want to celebrate with all of you. Cheers! I noticed the face of the guy who owned the beer relax at my announcement. He even looked like he might shout me another one.

Just then I saw my mate’s girlfriend’s lover pick up the can and raise it to his lips. That’s when I bolted for the door, running flat out, and, just like in the movies, dove onto the asphalt the moment I crossed the threshold.

A fireball erupted from inside the bar, sending the whole place sky-high as if it were made of paper, cloaking Brisbane’s clear sky in a smoky grey of infidelity and bad news.